I know this is the third world cup related post in a row, but it seems like it’s the gift that keeps giving right now. More news has emerged after a young lady was spotted on the England balcony……. stark bollock naked, without the bollocks. As you can imagine this has caused quite a stir for the English wags. Which is funny because it’s like they’re participating in some real life, almost sex-like Cluedo. But it isn’t Colonel mustard that’s under interrogation this time, it’s team England! My hope is that it was Roy Hodgson, in the dining room, with his fist. Too vulgar? Don’t worry, I don’t think it’s Roy. These are the top three which I think are the most probable to have done the deed.
Number one: Frank Lampard
Let’s go back over five years, I don’t know if anyone remembers when Franky broke up with Elen Rives, a woman he had two kids with. Now I’m not too sure if he ever did cheat on her, but that doesn’t mean I don’t have my suspicions. I think that he had something to do with Saskia Boxford way before he and Elen split. I suppose I’ll never find out for sure but I just think that around that time, Frank wasn’t just smashing his balls against a training wall at Stamford bridge….. and not just on the back of Elena Legs either.
Number two: Wayne Rooney
You probably expected his name to be on this exclusive list because he’s been caught shafting prostitutes. One old one too, a grandma that was dressed up in a rubber caught suit AND a mother-of-six……. SIX. So maybe you could say it’s probably not Waynes girl because she’s missing a few things that turn him on; a hearing aid, a pacemaker, and a vague memory of world war two.
Number three (Outside punt): Ryan Giggs
The legend, his recent retirement has given the united fans something else to be unhappy about. When everything came out about his brothers girlfriend, he turned into a male messiah. I know that Giggsy obviously isn’t on the team, but this is the best excuse he’s going to get to leave his wife for a couple of days in order to let out some testosterone. My original bet would’ve been on John terry rather than Giggs for number three, but think about it, he’s got a golden opportunity to meet up with a couple of unattended footballer wives during the England games.
It wouldn’t surprise me however if this woman was, in fact, an escort from an agency like Candy Shop in manchester.