ITS FRIDAY! That means you are already looking forward to your weekend. You might have big plans or are looking forward to a quite weekend in watching films and eating. But work isn’t over yet and we want to put a smile on you and your colleagues faces. So here are 20 jokes that are bound to make you laugh. Beware though if you are easily offend some of these jokes may not be for you.
1Q. What do you call a one legged Chinese man?
A. Tie One Shoe
2Q. What did the cannibal do after dumping his girlfriend?
A. He wiped his bum
3Q. What do you call a nun in a wheelchair?
A. Virgin Mobile
4Q. What is green and smells like ham?
A. Kermit the Frogs finger
5Q. What’s the difference between anal and oral sex?
A. Oral sex makes your day, Anal makes your hole weak
6Q. What’s long and hard and full of semen?
A. A submarine
7Q. What did the banana say to the vibrator?
A. Why are you shaking? She’s going to eat me!
8Q. What is the difference between a hooker and a drug dealer?
A. A hooker can wash her crack and resell it
9Q. How do you circumcise a Hillbilly?
A. Kick his sister in the jaw
10Q. What did Jay-Z call his girlfriend before he got married?
11. I used to go out with a Welsh bird who had 34DDs. It was the longest name I’ve ever seen
12. I asked a Chinese girl for her number. She said, “Sex Sex Sex Free Sex Tonight” So I said, “Wow!”. Then her friend said “She means 666-3629.”
13. £10,000 for being an informant in a paedophile case? Well that covers the cost of his new white van and a ton of sweets.
14. I swallowed some scrabble letters by accident. My next poo could spell out trouble
15. Romance is overrated in relationships. By the time I’ve lit the candles, sprinkled rose petals on the bed, composed a love poem, dimmed the lights and put on a Barry White album, she’s normally managed to escape out the window.
16. If you ever fart in public, just yell “Turbo power!” and walk faster
17. I went to the zoo the other day, there was only one dog in it, it was a shitzu.
18. One day, a man came home and was greeted by his wife dressed in stunningly sexy lingerie. “Tie me up and you can do anything you want.” So he tied her up and went and to play golf.
19. My wife hates it when I sit down to have a wee. Particularly in Supermarkets
20. In the beginning, God created the heaven and the earth. After that, everything else was made in China
We hope you have had a good laugh reading through some of these jokes because I certainly did whilst writing his article. Comment below any of your own jokes that you feel are good enough to make the list and we may write another article made up of your jokes. Have a good weekend, we are signing out!